I realize that I am unbelievably blessed to have been given the chance to be Cameron's mom, but at the same time, I have also realized just how challenging parenthood really is. One moment you are an independent person who can come & go as you please, eat & sleep as you please, when BAM, everything changes in the blink of an eye.
I remember watching Mike leave the house for work when Cam was first born, knowing he wouldn't be back for almost 10 hours & I would feel so envious of the fact that he was able to "escape" for a while & maintain some normalcy. One can never mentally prepare just how consuming it is to take care of this new, tiny person; to be up every 2 hours during the night & running ragged all day long & to know you have to turn around & do it all over again the following day.
It was when Cam was 6 weeks old that I decided I needed to go back to work a couple times a week just to relieve some of my anxiety. During this time my many co-workers would say, "Isn't it the most rewarding job you could imagine?!" or "Aren't you just head over heels??" And as I nodded my head in agreement, feeling deliriously tired & overwhelmed, I thought to myself, "You are out of your freaking mind; this job is anything but rewarding." You work day & night, feeding, changing diapers, changing your clothes & the baby's for the third time because you're both covered in spit up yet again and all the child can do is cry. This, I must say, is not very rewarding!
But as the months passed & Cam began to sleep & develop a personality & the ability to entertain himself for more than 5 minutes, I started slowly falling into a routine where things start to become "normal" again.
Fast forward 9 months & I can actually relate to what my co-workers were saying; this IS the most rewarding job I could have. I truly began to realize that my life has a whole new meaning & my little man is relying on ME to be the best person I can be to give him the wonderful life he deserves. We are having a blast watching him learn & discover new & exciting things. Every single day is a new journey for the 3 of us & I would not trade it in for all the money in the world. Each night as I lay with Cam & feed him his last bottle, I thank God for giving me such a gift.
But does this mean it's now all peaches & cream? Heck no! I never received my book, "Your Complete Guide to being the PERFECT Parent" so each day I question & doubt myself. I just have to continue to repeat, "you will NEVER EVER be perfect & it's okay!" All I can do is my best & that's what I'm doing.
So, if you're a parent who is feeling overwhelmed or inadequate, you are NOT alone. Just smile & nod at the person who tells you that being a parent is so completely magical, blissful & serene. It's a wild ride filled with many ups & downs, twists & turns, but mostly ups. Today happened to be one of those days where everything just clicked; we had a fantastic day at the Florida Aquarium & Cam had a blast. Watching him discover all these new creatures was amazing & made me feel like a kid again! So I can now say that being Cam's mom is THE best.