I made it..

It's Friday night... it's here.. I actually made it. Wow, this has been the hardest week I've had since I can remember. Mike's foot is still crummy. He's walking but with a very good limp. After going to the podiatrist on Monday, the doctor was pretty positive it's gout which is a buildup of uric acid in the joints. With him out of commission, it's made me realize just how hard single moms work. I don't know how they do it because it's exhausting! I am bone tired from running from six in the morning until ten at night pretty much every day this week. My stomach is in knots from living on adrenaline & I'm just a ball of anxiety these days. The worst part is that Reese was sick all week & sleeping terribly. Monday night I got about two hours of broken sleep & then had an insane day at work the next day. I look like a mess with black circles under my eyes, but at least it's Friday & I'm relaxing at home with my family.

I wish I was someone that could do things without complaining but I'm just not. I try so hard, but fail so miserably. I know Mike's foot is hurting & it's not his fault, but I've gotten annoyed with him a lot this week. Working in a hospital has given me a lot to think about because I see spouses stand by their sick loved ones all day & they seem to handle it so much better than I have. I'm ashamed of myself for being so selfish at times & worrying about how tired I am instead of how much pain Mike is in. Not to mention that I'm so distracted with the kids that I've forgotten about him sometimes. Sunday night I realized I hadn't offered to get him water in hours... poor guy was too afraid to ask the she-devil for a refill. He probably thought my head would start spinning around.

I'm trying to work through the pity party I've thrown myself this week. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I compare my life to others & the grass can seem greener on the other side. That mom may seem like they have it all together.. perfectly behaved kids that gobble up their organic fruits & vegetables, a house that is perfectly organized & clean, children that are dressed in trendy clothes & plenty of quality time spent with their kids, doing interesting crafts & baking cookies. Then I see myself, running ragged, quickly feeding my kids, throwing clothes on them & zipping off to day care only to pick them up, zip home, shove some more food in their mouths & race the clock to get them into bed on time. It can make me feel like a really crummy mom sometimes. Then I take my frustrations out on Mike, only to feel even crummier. In my mind, I'd love for my house to look like a picture out of Real Simple magazine with me in the kitchen whipping up batches of baby food for Reese, healthy snacks for Cam & greeting Mike with a calm smile & a cold beverage! Instead I'm a dietitian who has a child that would rather do anything than eat a single vegetable, running around like a nut job from one task to the next while snapping at my husband for being unable to help me.

So yeah, that's the week I've had. Lots of near-tears moments over here in the loony bin that is my head! But, when it comes down to it, I know I do have it all.






Even though things aren't always picture perfect, I have a husband who loves me crazy & all & two beautiful, healthy kids that bring SO MUCH love & joy into my life. It's just a matter of remembering that when the going gets tough. That can be easier said than done though. Perspective... I need a little dash of that in my work week! But, I made it. The weekend is here & it's time to stop, take a deep breath & enjoy life. Happy Friday!

Stressed

Although the pictures in this post make it appear that all is well, there's actually been a lot of stress in my life lately.



Work has been really hectic & can be a very negative place to be sometimes. Last week I felt very defeated, like the life had been just sucked right out of me. I try to ignore the negativity & not let it get to me, but sometimes it just does. On top of that, Reese has been fighting a really bad cold. Sleeping has been very limited since she's coughing constantly, spitting out her paci & then waking herself up. Thursday night I slept in the bed in her room next to her bassinet & probably put the paci back into her mouth no less than thirty times. Between Thursday & Friday night, I'd gotten about 7 hours of sleep total. Luckily Mike took over last night because I was beat.



And on top of that, Mike's pretty much unable to walk today. He's been suffering from a reoccurring, mysterious foot injury that has been coming & going for the past 4 or so years. It shows up out of the blue, just like it did three weeks ago, lingers for a bit & then goes away. He's had an x ray & an MRI but no definitive diagnosis has really been given which is very frustrating. He'll be seeing a podiatrist tomorrow so hopefully we'll be on the road to figuring something out. Today has been his worse day & he's in agony each time he tries to walk. He got from the couch to the dinner table by crawling across the floor this evening. Needless to say, everything has fallen onto my shoulders.



If my little Reesey wasn't sick, it wouldn't be so bad, but it's been a non-stop day & I'm not ready to head back to work tomorrow. We were able to venture out yesterday to an Irish fest which ended up being a lot of fun. Reese was able to relax & sleep in her stroller while we sat under the tent & enjoyed the live music & beautiful weather. Cam & Leah had a blast running around, jumping in the bounce house & eating some shaved ice as the adults enjoyed some green beer.




Reese was able to wear the shirt that her big brother wore on his first St. Patrick's Day! You'll see the picture of Cam wearing it below when he was 2 months older than Reese is now. Speaking of sharing, Reese was able to try out her jumper that Cam absolutely adored as a baby. Check out their blog to see some pictures from yesterday.


Baby Cameron, March 2009

I completely realize that things could be so much worse in my life & there are people dealing with a heck of a lot more heartache than me, but I just needed to vent. I'm so blessed to have two amazing kids that fill my life with so much joy & make each day so interesting! But, normally I have the weekend to recoup before work starts & I really didn't get that today. I'm praying that Reese gets over this cold soon because it's not fun watching her suffer & I'd take it away from her in a second if I could. Here's to hoping that this week brings better health to Reese & Mike!

Four months!

Reese, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that you're already four months old!! That seems like such a huge milestone to me for some reason. My little baby girl is growing up so quickly!



What is my four month old love up to these days?



Well, you're not going to the doctor until next week so we don't yet have your updated stats as far as growth is concerned.

You are seriously one of the happiest, sweetest babies I have ever met & I promise I'm not just saying that because I'm your mommy!



You are incredibly easy to smile & make everyone around you so happy when you do. You've recently found your voice & you're "talking" up a storm since this past weekend. When you get excited, you pump your chubby little arms & legs like crazy as you sit in your bouncy seat.



You're still a great sleeper (thank heavens for that!!) & you're on a much, much, much more solid schedule these days. You wake up around 7:15am or so most days, so you end up having your bottles at 7ish, 10ish, 1ish, 4ish & 7ish. You basically have your last bottle of the day at 7:30pm & hit the hay at 8pm. You fall asleep in the bassinet in your room immediately & we don't have to rock you or soothe you in any way. Sometimes you wake up during the night because you've lost your paci, but you go right back to sleep after we pop it back into your mouth. You're drinking 6oz of breast milk at each feeding & continue to drink formula for your last bottle of the day. We'll probably start you on solids after we see the doctor next week. How is that possible? The time we've had with you has completely flown by!



You're wearing 3-6 month clothes & size one diapers, however, the next pack of diapers we buy will be size two since the ones are getting a tad snug.

Reese, we are truly loving & soaking up every moment we spend with you. You are an absolute blessing & we are beyond excited to experience each milestone you reach!

A day in the life

So, what does a day in my life look like on a typical work day lately? I'm sure you're all dying to know! Or not. But, if ever in the future I wonder what things were like "back then," I'll be able to remember!

6:10am: Alarm goes off

6:20am: Get out of bed. Pump milk for Reese.

6:30am: Unload the dishwasher from the night before... bottles & pumping supplies galore.
Get Cam's milk poured/ready, warm Reese's bottle, make Cam's breakfast & my coffee.

6:50am: Shower & get ready for work.

7:15am: Cam & Reese wake up. Mike feeds Reese as I get Cam dressed for school, get Reese's
bottles & my pumping supplies packed.

7:25am: Make mine & Mike's breakfast & take the dogs out. We pretty much eat whole wheat bread with peanut butter & Nutella on top each day.

7:40am: I leave for work & Mike takes the kids to school shortly after.

8am: Clock into work & screen my floors to figure out which patients I'll be seeing that day.

9:45am: Head to the lactation room to pump.

10:10am: ICU rounds.

10:30am: See all of my patients & gather more data for my nutrition assessments.

12:45-1:15pm: Lunch

1:25pm: Head to the lactation room to pump.

1:45-5pm: Head back up to the floors to finish charting. Yesterday I treated myself to an iced
mocha & took my laptop to chart in the cafeteria as you'll see in the picture above.

5pm: Clock out. Let the marathon begin!!!

5:15pm: Get home, take the dogs out, soak all of my pumping supplies from the day, start
dinner, get PJ's & clothes ready for the kids to wear the next day, start laundry.

5:45pm: Pump milk for Reese.

6pm: Mike gets home with the kids. Cam rides his Lightening McQueen car outside & plays
around for a bit. This week we realized we had new cow neighbors so we headed over to
meet them.

6:30pm: Dinner. We usually plan our meals & grocery shop over the weekend so it's one less
thing to worry about during the week. We'll do something quick like a crockpot meal or a stir fry.

7pm: Bath, PJ's for Cam. Hang out with the kids & snuggle with Reese. Reese gets a bath only twice a week... usually on Sundays & Wednesdays for now. Obviously once she's more mobile & active, we'll bathe her more.

7:30pm: Reese has her last bottle of the day which is formula. Every other bottle is breast milk.

8pm: Reese goes to bed. We swaddle her & put her in the bassinet in her room & she seriously
falls immediately to sleep.

8:15pm: Cam goes to bed. We hang in his room for a few minutes before he goes to sleep.

8:20pm: Finish thawing breast milk, fill bottles for Reese's daycare, finish cleaning the kitchen.
Fold laundry & straighten up the house.

9pm: Pump milk for Reese. I do this a total of 5 times/day.

9:30pm: Time to finally relax. We usually hang out & watch shows we've taped during the week.

10:30pm: Go to bed & read my Kindle for about five minutes until I can no longer keep my eyes
open. Sleep & repeat it all over again & again, & again & again until we make it to the
weekend!

Recent Happenings

Cam & Reese were celebrating Dr. Seuss's birthday last week! Hop over to their blog to see more pictures.

Things have been crazy as usual around here, hence my lack of blogging lately. After dealing with Cam's sickness, we headed to Sarasota two weekends ago to see my parent's new house. Unfortunately, I forgot my camera so I didn't take a single picture, but their house is beautiful. Anyway, my stomach didn't feel right that Friday or Saturday & then BOOM, Saturday night I woke up with a horrific stomach bug that lasted nearly 72 hours. It was awful. As that was coming to an end, I caught a terrible cold. When I say my immune system is a complete joke lately, I mean it! I've been sick more since Reese has been born than I have in five years. It's nuts. I'm sure it has something to do with my insanely busy schedule & hectic lifestyle though. I am just so thankful Reese hasn't caught anything yet, but I'm always just waiting for it to happen.

Luckily work has settled down this week & so far I haven't had to work overtime the past two days. Since our move to the new hospital, I cannot seem to keep up. Every day that my alarm goes off, I think, Well, here we go again. Then I hit the ground running & do not stop until nearly 10pm. It's no way to live, if you ask me... Working normal hours yesterday & today has made a big difference though & I've actually felt like I've had a form of a life outside of work. And actually, as I type this, the house is super calm & quiet... Mike is playing poker with the guys & both kids are sleeping! Ahh, I actually get some me time tonight which is so incredibly rare these days! It's the little things in life that make me happy!