This week I am struggling to keep a positive attitude & maintain the balance in my life. I feel like I am given such little time to spend with Cam & that point was amplified last night & this morning. I picked Cam up from day care yesterday at about 5pm, after working a full day & flying around the grocery store to scramble up some ingredients for the dinner I still had to prepare. As we got home, I dragged the dogs outside with Cam in tow & then immediately started working on dinner so we could eat at a decent time. It's not easy to prepare dinner when you have a little one, not to mention a crabby, little one.
After trying to scarf down dinner as Cameron whined & tried to struggle to get out of his high chair, it was bath time & then bed. As Mike bathed Cam, I ran around the kitchen cleaning & then dragged all the garbage & recycling out to the curb. Whew. Two hours of not so quality time spent with your child does not make for a satisfied mom.
This morning Cameron woke up around 7:20; a whopping 15 minutes before I have to leave for work. As he drank his bottle, I changed his diaper & got him dressed for day care. By the time he was finishing his bottle, I was rushing out the door to work with only time to give him a hug and a quick kiss.
I know this is a very downer of a post, but I'm seriously needing to vent right now. I realize that I not only have to work for financial reasons but I also need to work to keep my sanity. I just wish I didn't have to work quite as much. I'd also love to go to the gym more often, but when I already get such little time with Cam, it makes me feel very torn. As I lounged on the couch last night, browsing various blogs, I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as I read throught the other "mommy blogs" & realized just how many things I'm missing out on. And I will say it again, I know that I couldn't mentally handle being a full-time stay at home mom; it's a tough job & I say hats off to you moms who do it. But, I can only imagine how much closer of a bond I'd have with Cam if I were to be home with him a bit more often. He's just not a snuggly baby to begin with, so when I feel him clench up & pull away as I try to cuddle, it seriously breaks my heart & makes me feel like a terrible mom.
I drove to work today with a very heavy heart & I knew if I didn't do a quick blog to get things off my chest, I'd end up having a very stressful day. I wish this could be more positive but my mind is just not there at the moment. I love Cam, I love my job & my life, but sometimes I feel like my life is very much off balance.