Failing miserably

As 2013 started, I've talked about reading The Happiness Project & began working through each month in order to create a happier version of me.  Well, let me tell you, over the past week I am failing miserably.  I've been so stressed out & my attitude has been horrible some days. We've been on a tight budget since our Thanksgiving trip to Asheville, Christmas, our Chicago trip & from the overall move into our new house five months ago.  So, we're waiting on our tax return to do a few projects around the house; paint the dining room & convert it into a playroom, get a new sink, new kitchen table & maybe a light fixture or two.  Then last week I came home from work on Tuesday to find a few bugs in our shower.  When I say I'm disgusted & terrified by the idea of bugs, I mean it.  Mike was getting ready to head to poker that night, so we didn't have all that much time to talk about it.  After the kids were in bed, I furiously Googled bugs to figure out what it could be.  When I discovered this, I nearly had a panic attack...

Yep, the disgusting insects in our shower were TERMITES!!!!!  So, I immediately freaked, imaging the unseen damage that was done.  I have zero experience with termites & only recall the horror stories I may have heard from other people.  So, I text Mike & he set up four bug guys to come through on Wednesday, my day off, to give us quotes.  I was a wreck, having nightmares of bugs crawling on me & being unable to eat because I was so freaked out & overwhelmed by the idea of these termites & the possible steep cost.  The first bug guy sent me into an absolute tizzy as he talked about ripping out the shower & bathroom tile.  We do not have that kind of cash laying around, so my mind was in a whirl.  The next guy was an absolute saint & made me feel so much better as he said, "this is not a big deal" & proceeded to show me  pictures of true termite problems.  Anyway, I learned more about termites in those 24 hours than I ever cared to learn in a lifetime.  What it boils down to is we're going to have an application of Termidor put around our house to treat this current issue & protect us from future issues.  If you live in the Tampa area, I highly recommend Dave Nelson, he was so helpful, sensed my unease & really helped me feel better.   We had a home inspection done prior to buying this house, but it showed no termite problems because there weren't any signs.  We only found the problem because the "swarmers" which are pictured above, came through a gap in our shower grout.  The bug guys estimate they've been there for 3-8 years since that's how long it takes for the swarmers to emerge.  Our house is about 9 years old.  They're subterranean termites & don't appear to have done damage, according to the inspections.  We'll be paying the $1200 for this Termidor application once our tax return comes through in a few weeks & that will take care of the problem & protect us for the next 10 years. It's something that needs to be done regardless of this current issue, it's just not something I really felt like spending our money on since we have so many other things I want done in our house.  I am not a patient person!  In the meantime, the bug guy, Dave just advised that we put duct tape at the area they've been able to squeeze through so I don't have to look at them.  Since they're been there about five years at this point, another few weeks isn't going to make a bit of difference.

So, other than learning everything I never wanted to know about termites last week, it also reinforced that I need a major attitude adjustment.  My mindset goes South during times of stress, especially financial stress.  Mike always has such a positive outlook that it only magnifies my poor outlook.  And once I've gotten onto a rant & am behaving badly, I just keep going because I figure, I'm already looking like a horrible person, I may as well just get it all out.  Once it's said and done, I feel awful.  It's not fun for me or Mike, so it's something I need to work on.  I often wish I had Mike's sunny disposition on life!  He's the "glass half full" and I'm the "glass half empty" in our relationship.  I think that's why I'm such a perfectionist when it comes to the appearance of my house since it's something I CAN control.  I have such a hard time controlling my attitude & outbursts so I focus on things I have control over.  It appears that the take-home from this post is, I am a big ole hot mess!  Gotta run, it's back to the self-help books for this gal!